Tres Chic; From Boudior To The Street

Fashion Vomit

Rachel Mooney
I wanted to write a piece on what my friends dubiously call, ‘Fashion Vomit,” something I’m sure you can gather a vivid mental picture of from the alluring name alone. With snark being my middle name, I sat down to my MacBook Pro with an air of snide-pride, ready to rip apart some fashion fit for Lady Gaga’s fan club president.

And there I sat…. for like… awhile. Without a single fashion faux pas to think of that I would actually enjoy ripping apart, I began an existentialist crisis. Who am I?! I don’t even know myself anymore! Clutching my favorite Chinese Laundry pumps in despair, I toyed with the idea that perhaps I’ve lost my edge ….And then it dawned on me.
Although I see fashion daily that I wouldn’t dare let grace the interior of my over-privileged closet, I realized that even the most outrageous fashion still requires balls. Okay, perhaps more a mix of estrogen and lax judgment before my morning coffee, but in all honesty, when I see a girl with a shaved head sporting a ripped pair of J Brand jeans, a purple lace top, a surplus of necklaces, plaid with stripes and a topknot, I think, “Damn, girl… at least she went for it… hard.”

The even scarier thought? Sometimes I dig that shit. Is it for me? Perhaps not, but at least I’m not the only chick wearing rehabbed vintage mixed with mod & leather & accessorized to the nines. If my ears didn’t closely resemble elephant ears from the State Fair, I would’ve tried an undercut topknot months ago, alas, my nickname growing up was dumbo for a reason and ladies like me depend on others to live out their fashion fantasies vicariously – Don’t let us down! When I see a pair of patent leather shoes with lace ankle socks over textured tights peeking out from underneath my bathroom neighbor’s stall, I know I just made a new friend. Fellow weirdo and fashion extraordinaire! Let’s fucking sew something!

Yes, fashion varies but as long as you’re not having a wardrobe malfunction a la the nip slip circa 2004 or ass-less chaps, all is fair in love and fashion and being too bold is ALWAYS a better statement than being average. Do I recall the girl in a t-shirt and flip flops from the pharmacy line? No, I remember the chick with the black tutu made of a mountain of tool and David Bowie earrings and its not even because I necessarily needed her outfit like a junkie at the methadone clinic– its because that chick is infinitely cooler for having the balls to wear it. Fashion is meant to be an adventure – wearing Old Navy khakis says your adventure involves fishing up the fashion ‘don’t’ creek without a paddle and possibly last season’s Bermuda shorts. Broaden your horizons, ladies.

Some advice for those out there who may be timid to fly their freak flag and think they have nothing to wear? Go to your closet. Rip out all of the things you haven’t worn in a year and create some mash-ups that would make GirlTalk proud. Old baggy men’s button up from the guy you caught with your drunken roommate in college? Tie it into a dress, like the tutorial to the left. Flare jeans you thought were all the rage 4 years ago? Cut them knee length and roll them up only once for a boho chic look in minutes pictured to the right. Get adventurous. Some of the best outfits I wear come out of a total fashion meltdown at 7am when I realize drinking martinis on a Tuesday evening inevitably leads to having nothing to wear and a meeting at 8o’clock sharp the following morning. Frantically rummaging through items I haven’t seen in years like my 8th grade gym class t-shirt, (In my defense, these may come back in style some day…) I find some of the oddest pieces that alone wouldn’t work but there is power in numbers. Grab a few pieces that don’t necessarily match but have a common theme and mash.it.up. Accessorize! When you think you are done getting ready, add 5 more things: Scarves, vests, bracelets (and occasionally, by bracelet I mean 20 bracelets) brooches, a hat, a statement ring, a flower hairclip…. Hell, get into mama’s red lipstick and go crazy like an unsupervised toddler! Use some pictures below for inspiration and you’ll be surprised at how well things go together when they, well, don’t go together at all.